Murray: Well, I remember the Helen Hunt who starred in that Afterschool Special about the dangers of angel dust, or in that Lifetime movie where she plays the schoolteacher who convinces one of her students to kill her husband. That was the Helen Hunt I knew. Now I feel she's settling for this stable sitcom that will ultimately take her nowhere. I mean, Reiser can always write Couplehood II or some other self-help book where he helps benighted idiots like us with our relationships based on his credentials as someone who stars in a sitcom about relationships. Help me. As for Helen, I think the show is stressing her out.

What do you mean?

Murray: Well, if you mention, even in passing, one of the films she's been in lately, she just starts crying. Once someone made the mistake of mentioning Kiss of Death, and she completely lost it. We couldn't reach her for two days. Then the other day I mentioned Twister and she got hysterical, saying that she puts a hex on any film she's in because they all bomb. I said, But Helen, Twister is a hit. She then took me aside, and in a despondent tone said, Murray, I think the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre described my dilemma perfectly in his play The Die Are Cast. People have me pegged as a sitcom star -- which is, by the way, a contradiction in terms -- a cute asexual wife in the American ideal brother-sister marital relationship. Do you think I can ever break free of that? Never mind, I'll just stay on this show for another 12 seasons and

That's intense. How about your plans? Any film offers?

Murray: Well, in typical dog style I'll probably stay on this show until it ends or they kick me off. I have no pride. My agent keeps trying to convince me to accept a spin-off sitcom. And my response is always, Listen, remember Phyllis or The Ropers? How about Joanie Loves Chachi? Spin-offs hardly ever work, and even when they do -- like with Laverne and Shirley -- the experience is always a humiliation. Spin-offs are the original lose-lose situation.

So what roles would you accept?

Murray: I don't know. I tend to approach the future in negative terms -- here's what I won't do. If someone wants to cast me in a film where I'm the dog buddy of a cop, for instance, that's a big no. Look at the dog who did Turner and Hooch. Forget it -- that's a sweat act. About a month ago my agent offered me a role on this pilot where I play Richard Grieco's pet. He's a private eye who uses me to help him score with girls. I said to my agent, Frank, there are so many ways of committing suicide -- can't you find me a better one than starring in a Richard Grieco series?