First Lady and the Tramp

First Lady and the Tramp
by Brian Dykstra

Does anybody out there understand Whitewater yet?
What is it, a banking scam, or a real estate scam? When did its focus shift from Bill to Hillary? How does it tie in with the White House Travel Office?

And as for Alphonse D'Amato...why?
Senator Pothole thinks he's going to maneuver Hillary into the crosshairs of a congressional investigation, publicly burn her at the stake, and watch the re-election hopes of her husband go up in the smoke of her burning reputation.
Senator D'um D'um gets to chair the influential Banking Committee based, I suppose, on his keen understanding and vast experience in Banking and Finance (which seem to be limited to remembering his PIN number). Of course, we also have to assume that he's become adept at hiding cash kickbacks and payoffs from everybody from Sweet N' Low (for whom he has continually managed to ramrod through the unprecedented

warning, rather than the outright ban that the FDA recommended. What else do they run tests on lab animals for? Have you ever seen any other product you are expected to put into your system carrying this warning?) to the Bananno Family.
(How was that for a massive parenthetical?)
The Distinguished Gentleman from New York state is all over the big censorship bill. He's Senator Censorship now! Mr. No-7-Dirty-Words Guy! Mr. Sanitize-the-Internet!

Hey, Al--over here!
There! That should destroy the minds and morals of thousands--oh, why kid myself?--dozens of Rant readers.
Al is...

...the best argument for term limits there is.
...the best argument that voters can't be trusted.
...the best argument that we all get the government we deserve.
You asked for it, you got it, D'Amato. Who else but this classless bitch sings off key to the tune of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" on the Senate floor in order to make some arcane point? Been on the Web lately, Senator Al? No, I didn't think so.
So what's my point? Don't rush me, it's my column!
Say what you will about Hillary...

...No, go ahead, I'll wait.
Examine why you don't like her. It might be because you believe the hype. Various politicians read public opinion polls and worked to make Ms. Rodham-Clinton a political liability. We are in an election year, after all. The country seems to be in agreement but don't be fooled, there is a larger issue at stake. That sound you're hearing is the unruffling of petticoats and the locking of chastity belts as prescribed by the Gingrich/Dole/Gramm three-headed monster. By the way, doesn't Dick Army sound more like a football cheer in Annapolis than the name of a politician?

I understand that some women long for the days of doors opened for them, coats laid on the mud for the sake of their dainty two-sizes-too-small shoes, and that old favorite Woman-as-Ornament. That's a choice, they're entitled.

This Hillary bashing is something else again. It's casting a competent, hard working, intelligent woman as a bitch.

A shrill shrieking siren.

A less-than.

She is getting attacked on the should-be-seen-but-not-heard level. Treated like a child. She is being treated this way by a political party that is against a woman's right to choose, but has rarely counted amongst its ranks a high-profile political player who also happens to be female.
Go ahead. Scoff at Hillary. Build roadblocks. Make her job more difficult. But don't complain if you get 40% less money for the same job. Don't fret that your neighbor's son gets into a better school on a better scholarship even though your daughter finished eight places ahead of him in their high school class.

Fair? This ain't about fair.
It's about perceptions. And we all share responsibility. The First Lady is belittled for getting busy, for working to spearhead (heaven forbid) health care! This is an issue that should suffer?

Please.

Handcuffing Hillary Clinton hurts women everywhere.
And that might just be the idea. It hurts women in politics. It hurts women in business. It hurts all women when men, including their own husbands, scoff at their accomplishments because they are women. I might even say it hurts Mrs. D'Amato, but I'm too late for that.
The senator in that family-values party dumped her already and is currently playing kissy-face with a gossip columnist.

A gossip columnist!
Good thinking, Al.

Imagine the stories when that little love nest goes south.
Pardon me--I had to shiver with nausea. I just caught a mental image of Senator Pothole having sex.

Brian can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk? New Yorkers and muckety-mucks in the Senate think so. While promising he'd never ever sing on the senate floor, Brian has declared that if elected he will not serve.